Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I really am an asshole.

Consider this part 2.

A few Christmases ago I ran into a friend from high school that I hadn't seen in several years (lets call her "Nicole"). You have to understand, "Nicole" was never fat, she just had a little more T&A than most of us (lucky bitch). Anyways, she looked amazing so I knew I just *had* to compliment her. We hugged, said hello and then I exclaimed, "OMG! You look great! Did you lose like, 500 pounds?" I felt so confident that I just said the most flattering thing in the history of the world until she made a weird face and tried to laugh while saying, "Um, no. That would mean that I weighed 645 pounds before."

In my defense, I was a slightly drunk. Here is a sampling of my inner monologue right before it happened: "Wow! She looks good, I think she lost weight. I should ask her. Do I say 15? No. That just sounds dumb. 50? Not quite dramatic enough...500? YES! I will ask this girl who I haven't seen in 3 years if she has lost 500 pounds because that will show that I think she looks good and is fit and healthy. Splendid!"

What a horrible, horrible idea. I still get embarrassed when I think about it. In fact, whenever I think of "Nicole" now I think of that and I just imagine her stewing and hating me ever since. It bothers me so much that I often think about emailing her an apology (but if she somehow forgot all about it I wouldn't want to bring it up and maker her remember how much of an asshole I was). On the other hand, I don't want her to think that I honestly thought she was 500 lbs overweight. Christ. What's a girl to do? Seriously, she's coming to NYC and I will likely be hanging out with her. Do I apologize for my not-so-complimentary 'compliment' or just act like it never happened?

Your advice is greatly appreciated.

2 comments:

Stacey Marie Hall :) said...

Hysterical!

So this one time I was on a date with a guy that was rather meaty.

Per first-date etiquette, I asked lots of open ended questions. One of which being, "Do you come from a big family?"

(Me, thinking to myself, "here's a guy with so much personality, he must have lots of siblings")

Well, the aforementioned fatty responds with, "Uhh, if you must know, yes, I come from a big family, we are all overweight."

I wanted to crawl into a hole and die!

Same thing, I thought about emailing him the next day to be like, "you know I didn't mean it like that, right?" but I let it go ... and to this day, I still feel badly about it.

You're not alone ;)

Jose said...

Just tell her that your comment was Drunk for "you look amazing". Once you're done, find out if she's single... ;)