Thursday, September 27, 2007

Oh my.

He was clearly a man. Everything about him screamed, "hey everyone, look at me. I'm just a regular dude and a guy. I was obviously born with a wiener." He had on a black 90's era over sized tank top, baseball hat, and a pair of formerly white Asics. Normal, right?

That's what I thought too, until I noticed his lime green denim mini and giraffe-like (not to mention baby smooth) legs. Seriously beautiful legs. I was amazed and had to get closer. He was carrying a bag from the Levi's Store. I had to see what was in it. Maybe that bag held a clue or could help explain the random outfit, although I don't know was hoping for.

I finally ran down the subway steps and was close enough to peer over his shoulder into the bag... and what do you think was in that bag? Nope, not poop stained sweatpants. Another denim miniskirt. Only this one was a more versatile, everyday blue jean color.

Amen, New York. Amen.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


Did anyone else catch the season premiere of Heroes last night? What did you think? Am I the only one who was less than enthused? The best part was the last 30 seconds when Peter Petrelli made his "surprise" return with a hot new hair cut! I can not *wait* for his water torture scenes...
I love you all and cherish your opinions.

Friday, September 21, 2007


Thank you Steelecase office chair for discreetly absorbing one of the longest and most satisfying farts of my life. I promise to Febreeze you on Monday.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Beyond Awesome

I know a lot of you have been wondering if I'd do a follow up post on the office temp. Well then, it's your lucky day... Like the Chicago Bulls of the early 90's, today makes it an official three-pete! Three days of banana clip madness and mayhem! Because one day is just. not. enough.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

A work in progress

Some of my all time favorite quotes from the Albino Python:

Excerpts from her daily telephone conversations:

"What is the meaning of this!?!?!"
"I'd like to speak to your supervisor, I'll give him a piece of my mind!"
"This is absurd!"
"I am the assistant to the President!"
"This is unacceptable, my client demands a refund."

When speaking to me:

"I've just got so much going on today!"
"What are you getting for lunch?"
"Yes!" (like how we all used to say it as kids while doing that side fist pull down gesture)
Any story that starts with, "My ex-boyfriend..."
Any question that begins with, "What are you up to tonight?"

*please note that by "favorite quotes" I mean reasons why I hate her.


The accounting temp at my office is wearing a banana clip in her hair!
Maybe I'll see if she wants to meet me and Andrea Zuckerman at the Peach Pit later for mega-burgers.

Monday, September 10, 2007


On my way home from work today there was an old Asian man walking in front of me with a pretty sweet stride. He was speed walking and at the same time swinging his little arms from left to right with great intention. It looked like a tiny multicultural version of Richard Simmons in a Sweatin' to the Oldies segment. So not only was this guy good at math, he was also in the best shape of his life. Man, some people really do have it all...

Things I like and wish my job revolved around

In no particular order:

-Plucking hairs with tweezers
-Watching TV, almost anything
-Plucking hairs with my fingernails
-Football season
-Terry from Reno 911
-Making lists
-Smushy faced little puppies
-Celebrity Gossip
-The gays
-Laying on the beach
-Day drinking
-Buffalo flavored foods- wings, pretzel nibs, and shrimp (you haven't? Oh, you really must!)
-Being able to wear light layers

Does anyone know of any openings?

It's Britney, baaatch!

To call Britney Spears' comeback performance at the VMA's a train wreck, is insulting to Amtrak. Really there's nothing I could say about her that hasn't already been said, so instead I have a question about the song, Gimme More. Am I the only one wondering, what? Give you more of what, Brit? Below is a list of possible answers to that question.

-Red Bull and Vodka
-Rehersal time
-Strawberry, pineapple, and Percocet smoothies
-Things to shave

Did I miss any?

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

I love you, online news!

The headline on MSN reads "Lawyer: Senate should not probe Craig..."

But what comes after the ellipses?

My guess is it goes a little something like this: "Lawyer: Senate should not probe Craig... until given the proper number of foot taps to do so."

Ohhh! Zinger!!!

Tuesday, September 4, 2007


Today, the albino python was really nice and brought me in the best coconut macaroon I have ever had. She got it in Boston while she was there for her uncle's funeral. This comes days after I might have said she was just going on a long weekend and the whole dead uncle thing was B.S. I may have also said that she is disturbingly pale and creepy. It was also alleged that I would rather use a tampon made out of porcupine spikes and lemon juice than to have to talk to her, but that one is probably just a rumor.
So, I guess this is my way of saying I'm sorry and thanks for the snack, Albi.

Dear Lunch,

I love you Pump Energy Foods, but I HATE your falafel salad.

Thank you.

Monday, September 3, 2007

F U Labor Day

I'm trying to work from home today and I keep coming up with nothing. Could it be that my phone is ringing more today than it has in the past week? Could it be the fact that the air conditioner is freezing my entire left side (but when it's off, I'm much too warm)? Could it just be my ADD?

Today I found out that my favorite Puerto Rican is leaving and it hurts my heart. He was one of the first real friends I made here, and one of the few people who knows how truly crazy I can be... Anyways, it's sad that he's moving. What might be even worse is, I don't think he realizes that there are no Puerto Rican Day Parades in Atlanta. Now what?

So there was that, followed by a totally random phone conversation I didn't care to have. I don't even know why I answered. It's the unofficial last day of summer and I have only been tan twice. Both times were the aftermath of severe sunburn. I am already getting depressed, I guess my seasonal affective disorder kicks in at the mere thought of it getting colder. I don't even have the comfort of day drinking at a backyard BBQ to make today less shitty. I hate Labor Day.