Thursday, October 30, 2008

Oh God, Part 2

I just farted (rather standard part of my work day) only this time it made a pretty loud noise (not so standard). There's no way it went unheard but nobody has said anything yet. FUCK! What is wrong with today?!?!

Oh God.

My CFO's fly is WIDE open. He keeps coming up to my desk to ask me questions and his gaping business is right in my face. ARG! Where am I supposed to look?!?!? Somebody should really tell him.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

steam coming out of my ears like a cartoon-

That's how I feel when people misuse a word (because they don't understand the meaning) especially when they are only using the word to establish their knowledge about a particular subject.

I just got off of a web marketing conference call with the biggest douche water reservoir in the history of douchedom and he always pulls that shit. Please stop talking about the number of 'hits' your website receives. That hasn't been a valid unit of measure for at least 3 years. Please don't use the word 'bounce' to describe anytime somebody leaves your website. It pertains to a very distinct action and every time you say it I want to punch you in the throat.

These are the only two examples I have right now and I apologize for how topical they are but you get what I mean, right? It's like when I say 'stat' in front of my doctor friends (talking about you, Age and Phoebs). Maybe that's a bad example... Anyways, just think of a term that is really super specific to your particular industry and imagine a French Canadian turd box misusing this term repeatedly while having the attitude that he totally nailed it and everyone should be thoroughly impressed at his mental prowess. Fucking cock fucker ass wad.

Whew, I feel better!

Friday, October 24, 2008

I feel so rusty :*(

So, I've spent the past week in a nyquil induced haze, but that's no excuse. Sorry I've been slacking on my blogging... I don't know where my creativity went. Anyways I thought we could get back to some good old Vex basics with a completely random list. Here goes:

- I'm really digging Mad Men. If you haven't seen it, you should totally check it out. And bring me a scotch while your up, sweetheart.

- Being sick has really messed with my digestive system. My morning poops have been coming in the afternoon and my after lunch poops have been coming after work.

- I've also had outrageously big farts. I had the absolute longest fart of my life yesterday and it felt so amazing I had to draw of picture of it. At the end of the 'fart trail' it turned into a little heart, because it felt like love.

- Not that I really care, but I should know better than to do the above at work while having zero sense of smell. Sorry to any co-workers who had to walk past my desk. I guess that's why you sent me this story.

- I've been a little obsessed with the new Britney Spears song ever since I heard it 50 times at the gay bar last weekend. The only thing that worries me is that during the chorus it sounds like she's saying "you want some butta?" Has anyone else noticed that?

- Keith Olbermann is hilarious (and not just because he's been on The Soup).

- Anybody want to puppy sit while Ben and I are in Puerto Rico for 4 days? I'll bake cookies and stock the fridge with your favorite food/beer/opiates... think about it and get back to me.

- I genuinely want to adopt this kid:

Here's one more like that. LOVE HIM!!!

Let the comments begin...

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Tuesday, October 7, 2008


(click to enlarge)

...thanks EG!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Dear Eric,

Sends her love. And her leotards.


Vegas: one picture sums it up

From a souvenir shop on the Strip:

Vegas, baby! Classin' up America since 1905!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

it just keeps getting better-

Ahhh, Sarah Palin... First off, I love how Katie Couric has become this super ball-busting bitch over the course of two interviews. Props- take that good ol' boys club!

Anyways this clip is amazing for several reasons. Sarah Palin says she reads all of them. All of the newspapers. Well, at least a vast variety of them. Yup. No wonder why she can't remember the name of any one in particular- names would just be cluttering the space in her mind where she has categorically stored so much important, factual information over the past 44 years. She manages to get offended by the question (for which she has NO answer) and turns it on Katie, making it seem like Katie just insulted her 'microcosmic' state of Alaska.

Palin gets more nervous about newspaper names than I do when Ben's parents asks me if I've read any good books lately. At least I can come up with something like, "Well I just finished reading one by Martha Stout, PhD. who conducted a study about the rate of sociopaths in modern American society. It was truly fascinating." End of discussion.

The more I hear her speak, the more I am convinced that she's actually W. with a set of tits and some funky glasses.