Friday, June 26, 2009

Dear Stacey-



They've been to Brooklyn too!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Mean Girls Don't Stop


I got the following email from a girl I went to school with. Please note I did not say "friends with." We were never more than classmates. In fact, I used to think I'd be on the top of her "People to Kill" list (a la Steve Buscemi in Billy Madison).

Bella,
I just heard about your engagement. Congratulations. I hope he is a good guy and treats you right. Marriage is what you make it. I'm glad I made the choices I did otherwise I wouldn't be married with my little girl. I hope everything turn s out beautiful for you and hopefully one day I'll get to meet you future husband. Email me your address so I can send you a gift. Talk to you soon.

Of course I think it is totally random and weird that I just got marital advice and should be expecting a gift from this stranger (practically). I had to consult my team of experts. Here is an excerpt from an IM session with one of my homegirls, Bex.

Bella says:
i mean, really? [random girl's name]?
why?!?!
Bex says:
she always wanted to be best buds with you
Bella says:
haha
Bex says:
are you just not going to respond or what are you gonna do
Bella says:
i'll probably respond
because i'll most likely have to see her next year
Bex says:
thats the nice thing to do
Bella says:
i guess, it just seems weird
the email was a nice gesture but to say you want to send a gift seems strange
Bex says:
very weird
Bella says:
right?
Bex says:
she is weird tho
Bella says:
haha
yes
Bex says:
wonder what she would send
Bella says:
haha
i dont know
maybe i should just email her back, thanking her for the well-wishes but not send my address? or does that seem rude?
Bex says:
no thats probably what i would do
Bella says:
ok good
thats what i was thinking
Bex says:
i dont like people knowing my address
Bella says:
i mean, our address isn't even listed on our registries
Bex says:
ya thats completely ok to just thank her
Bella says:
maybe she wants to show that she has $ from her doctor husband?
Bex says:
she does
Bella says:
Dr. Wood
i hope hes a proctologist
Bex says:
i saw her when i was home in feb at don and ggs. she came to my table and thats all she kept saying, my doctor husband, blah blah blah
Bella says:
REALLY?!??!!
i didnt know that!
Bex says:
hes a foot doctor, actually froze a wart off my foot once
Bella says:
HAHAHA
shut the hell up
they are still MI?
Bex says:
ya he works at bluff view, well that little building right next to it
Bella says:
omg
i (heart) this conversation... it may have to go on my blog

And it did!

I guess the moral of this story is that saying your husband is a doctor loses its cache when I know he's frozen a wart off my friends foot. Also, I guess I'm the same catty bitch I was in high school. Oops...

A documentary for right meow

To quote bestweekever.tv- Here is the trailer for Cat Ladies. It’s like Saw IV: For Ladies:



Brilliant!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Treat Yourselves

Comfortable situations are foreign to me

Last week I got a facebook email from a cousin I never talk to. Never. I mean, in the greeting she didn't even spell my goddam name correctly, and its right there on the page!

Anyways, she wanted my real email address so that her husbands sister could contact me about hotels in NY and/or to see if I could get her a good rate. She also asked for the details of my wedding because, her and her sister (my other cousin who I talk to even less) were planning on coming! Imagine my shock- considering neither of them have actually been invited. Ugh. So here we go with the awkward email back saying that "due to budget constraints blah, blah, blah." How ballsy is that though? To just assume you're invited?

Oh! Speaking of putting your foot in your mouth, I almost congratulated a not pregnant woman on being pregnant. I hadn't seen her in almost a year and when I did it was from across the room. She had on a tight tee shirt that was hugging her cute little basketball belly so I yelled, "OMG! I can't believe you're..." then I stopped. She looked at me like, what are you going to say, bitch???

I finished with "...here! It's been so long! How are you? What's new?" That way, if she was in fact pregnant, she could share now. Guess what? She didn't say shit about being with child. Thank GOD I can sometimes filter the garbage that streams out of my stupid mouth.