Friday, May 29, 2009

This makes me sad

CNN Quick Vote:

Will you watch "The Tonight Show" with Conan O'Brien?

Yes 33% 20680
No 67% 42311

Total Votes: 62991

What's with all the haters? Conedog is the shit! Come back to NYC where you're appreciated!!!


I just said the following about one of my coworkers:
he's one of those people that you wish his parents were in some super religious cult so he would have been made into a suicide bomber at the age of 12... the world would be a better place

Even I'm offended. Looks like this vacation can't come soon enough.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


Today I decided I really wanted to have a good day and not completely hate everything about my job. I was making a conscious effort and the morning went pretty well, actually.

Then lunch time rolled around and I ask one of my many bosses if he'd like lunch, he says yes and gives me his order. Now, this is not a duty that I am required to perform- I ask him out of the kindness of my heart, yet he NEVER gets up and walks the 20 feet to my desk to get his lunch when it arrives. Instead, he sits and waits and watches until I deliver it to him. Today, I didn't even get a thank you. Asshole.

A little while later he barks at me to make him dinner reservations for Friday. He then proceeds to spend the next 25 minutes on the phone talking about some dickish automated golf program that keeps track of the number of times he swings. Seriously? **Oh that must be why you couldn't pick up the phone and call about dinner yourself. You were far too busy working. Doing important work things entirely related to the success of the company and ultimately paying my salary. Thanks. Glad we got that cleared up.**

I still haven't done it. I know he listens to my phone calls so anytime he pulls this type of thing I like to wait until he is away from his desk to make the call. Payoff comes at the end of the day when, finally, in a fit of rage at my clear disregard of his managerial request, he'll try to sound cool and relaxed and not annoyed when he asks, "hey, did you get through to the Palm?"

That's when I like to let out my huge 'are you fucking kidding me when have I ever *not* gotten through to the Palm, I can't believe you are seriously asking me that you ungrateful fucking prick- this isn't even a part of my job' sigh while doing a slow turn towards him then I say in a sarcastic tone,"Yeah. It's alllllll set."

Slow turn back to computer. Hard typing. Secret smiles in my heart, because really, its the small victories.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Sometimes its right on

My Horoscope from today:
March 21 - April 19
If you feel as though you are having difficulty breathing, dear Aries, or if you are more and more clumsy today, take half an hour to relax in some peaceful garden. Sit down and examine the anger that you have never expressed. It seems it has been transformed into unconscious anxiety. Could it be that you are more discontent with your work than you allow yourself to admit?

Am I more discontent with my work than I allow myself to admit? Please see my post from two days ago. I admit to every bit of my discontentment. Every. God. Damn. Bit.

Nice try though.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Eternal Damnation

I just put a fist full of chips in my mouth that expired on May 06... of 2007. They were supposed to be salt and vinegar flavor but instead they tasted like the first day of school- wood varnish and industrial strength cleaner. Note to self: look at the expiration date before consuming. YUK!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Sir Farts Alot

Ben thinks my blog pretty much just focuses on farts, so this ones for him.

The other day I get home and my apartment smelled like burnt hair and garbage, so I made a comment to that effect to my roommate, "Bin." Bin said, "Its me, I've had *the worst* gas all day. I just tried lighting some matches and candles before you got home."

But does it end there? Nope. Bin continued to stink up our love nest. I made the mistake of walking over by his desk (he wasn't even near it) and the smell was so unbelievably foul I had to pull out a bottle of Febreeze and coat the chair. I then made it my business to chase him around until I could do the same to the ass of his poor, unsuspecting pants. That didn't solve the problem, but it was a start.

Yes, I Febreezed the love of my life's ass. What of it?


I've been fighting a somewhat swiney-flu since last week but the worst of it hit me on the way home tonight. I was on the train and could feel it creeping up- one of those horrendous coughing spells (as my grammy would call it) where you think you're not going to stop until you puke. I tried to do a polite little cough into my hand then hold the rest in but it exploded out of me like an exorcised demon. My eyes immediately began to water, snot gushed from my nose, I was gaging and couldn't catch my breath. I genuinely thought I was going to vom on the 6 train, while everyone around me starred like I had the goddamn plague. To top it all off I didn't even have a tissue :(

Side note- the girl who had the word "Sexy" tattooed in cursive on her neck, surprisingly wasn't.