Thursday, December 20, 2007

I wonder...

What ever happened to Rick Berka? My guess is things went one of two ways for him. He either ended up like this guy:

Or this guy:


Tuesday, December 18, 2007

I am an important, valued citizen

How do I know that? Judging by the email I just got from
Congressman Bart Stupak, I'd say its pretty clear. Why else would the Congressman want *me* to receive his precious left-wing propaganda?

What's that? You're so interested you'd like to see the actual email? Ok, fine but I'm editing out my address:

December 17, 2007

My Full Name (it even had my middle name)
555 East Something Street
Atownin, Michigan 00000

Dear Real Name:

I am committed to serving the men and women who have answered our nation's call for military service, and am honored to represent our nation's veterans, servicemen and women, and their families in Congress.

I did not vote for the war in Iraq, and I am saddened over the unabated violence with no end in sight. I have and will continue to call on the Administration to develop a plan to transfer military security to the Iraqi government and bring our troops home.

Although I did not vote to authorize the war in Iraq, I robustly support the young men and women in the Armed Services who are putting their lives in harm's way every day. The sacrifices they-and all veterans-have made for our country deserve to be honored.


Member of Congress

Yup. Pretty sweet. Don't be too jealous though- I'm sure your state Congressman cares about you too...

Monday, December 17, 2007


I had a dream last night that I was buddies with Suri Cruise. Not her babysitter, but her friend. And we were hanging out. Isn't that weird? I mean, she's a cute kid and all, but what the hell?

And sadly, there is no definition for befriending a celebrity baby in my dream dictionary.

Friday, December 14, 2007

um, yeah

I just overheard my boss say, "Two millions dollars? Pocket change."

It's times like this that my over-worked/under-paid ass wishes there was a big rowdy crowd around to help me relay this message.

Love you, corporate America.


Living in New York, I find it's the small things that can really make or break my day. I love when I find an open seat on the train or can just lean against the door and not have to grab one of those creepy germ infested poles. This saves me from obsessing over touching other things. I would hate to cross contaminate and spread subway filth onto my face, hair, cell phone, lip gloss, or Ipod after holding on during transit. That is one of my greatest fears in life. If you live here you know what I'm talking about. If not, I couldn't even begin to describe.

Today on my way to work, I caught both trains without having to wait and without touching anything on either one!

And so begins another beautiful day in the city...

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Albino Psycho?

Oh my Christ... this bitch is stealing my identity. She just went on a 3 minute rant about her love of buffalo sauce. Obsession with buffalo sauce, really? Sounds vaguely familiar. She claimed she'd eat "anything in buffalo sauce." I swear she was about to say she'd eat a shoe if it was deep-fried and covered in buffalo sauce, then I would have flipped my shit.

What the hell? Is she studying my lunch habits? Memorizing my Myspace page? Inside my head? Is she reading this right now? You wouldn't even know what a buffalo sauce was without me!!! What next? Are you going to trade in your Nora Jones CD for something by N.W.A.? Maybe swap Eminem for Feist?

This means war- and it's about to get real ugly up in this bitch. It's on, you bloodless freak.

It. Is. On.

Friday, December 7, 2007


The Albino Python just looked over at me and asked, "what do you use on your lips? I have so much trouble keeping mine moist and hydrated this time of year." It was her tone more so than the text that disturbed me.

Oh and then she made a sexually suggestive motion with her mouth... Ok, that part was a lie, but its still fucking creepy. I feel like I'm in my own personal crying game.


Just because something sounds good does not necessarily mean it is good. Case in point: Coffeemate Eggnog flavored nondairy creamer *shudders* ...and normally I freakin' love me some nog.

After getting hooked on the International Delights Pumpkin Spice that was out over Thanksgiving, *fake orgasm* I decided to try another new flavor. While in the dairy aisle a few weeks ago I called Jeff (coffee creamer connoisseur) to get his opinion. He told me which ones he thought were yummy and which ones to stay away from. But every time I'd go to the store I would forget which ones he mentioned. All I could remember was Peppermint Mocha = Awesome, but they never have that one in stock. So I call, tell him whats available, and end up getting boring French Vanilla as usual.

Well, last night I called him but he didn't answer so I grabbed the Eggnog flavor, hoping to discover my new seasonal favorite. Once he FINALLY called me back he mocked me/my choice, but I woke up today with a really good feeling about this stuff. Boy, was I wrong. This garbage ruined my entire morning! Sorry Jeff, next time I'll pay more attention to you and not just cross my fingers that you'll be home every time I'm at the grocery store.

Now where the hell is my Peppermint Mocha?!?!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007


The Albino Python was just on the phone and kept using the phrase "noon time." Isn't that a little redundant? Isn't noon a time? Don't you automatically assume when someone says it that they are referring to a certain point during the day and not, say, a unit of measuring puppies?

The only explanation I could come up with was if she had a thick Scottish accent and her 'noon' sounded like 'none' (just try it). But I doubt she is Scottish and I am certain she doesn't have an accent, so I suppose that just makes her unpleasant.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007 had me at C3PO

I have fallen in love with someone. Seriously in love and I don't know why I've waited so long to share him with all of you. Maybe I was being selfish, perhaps just a little ashamed, but now I want the world to know! Please visit his myspace page and get acquainted.

His name is Gay Robot and he is absolutely fabulous!

Monday, December 3, 2007


I wanted December to be a record month for my blogging, and so far I'm totally dropping the ball. Maybe tomorrow I'll be fun and witty and get a few lol's. I'm blaming my seasonal affective disorder and this will be my excuse until it's finally warm enough for me to leave my apartment for pleasure, rather than just for coffee and tampons.

So tonight, I'm looking forward to being cuddled up on the couch in my sexy sweatpants, eating some delicious delivery, and watching the two best shows presently on television (Heroes and Nimrod Nation). I'm crossing my fingers for a little more sweaty, shirtless Peter Petrelli in the first one and a little less sweaty, shirtless puberty stricken teen in the second.

Wish me luck!