Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Metrolyrics.com gives me a girl boner

My number one resolution of 2008 is to learn every fucking lyric of this song and to be able to deliver it like my man, Tupey.

Rest in peace homie.

But more likely, enjoy sipping Pina Coladas on a beach while being swarmed by thong-clad island girls wherever you're hiding out... Much love.


Guess what I'm typing on? If you said, "the laptop that you brought to Circuit City to be fixed over two months ago that you were told was in china but were certain was being picked apart and sold to make GHB laced toys" then you are absolutely correct! This is better than the time I saw that homeless guys poopy butt on 55th Street!

Thursday, January 24, 2008


Side bar- when I was looking for the video below, the two most prominent "Ads by Google" were:

How I lost 55 lbs!!!
Are you gay? Do you like gay music? Take the gay quiz!!!

Really? So you're telling me the only people who listen to Boyz II Men are overweight homos? Not likely Google+Youtube, not likely*...

*But, if that is the case- GUILTY AS CHARGED, GIRL!!! Haaaaaay!

The End of an Era

At this point, I find its easier to express myself through music. See below and feel my most sincere pain:

I don't know how to break this to you guys without just saying it. The Albino Python is gone. Fired. Her employment has been terminated, effective 1/23/08. Oh God- I've said it but I'm still in shock. How *do* I say goodbye to what we had?

Albi, if you're out there, somewhere, in this big crazy universe, just know this: I'll take with me the memories, to be my sunshine after the rain...

I wonder if they have internet access in heaven?

Friday, January 18, 2008

Mama like!

I was youtubing some random music and came across this totally sweet vid. Just a couple of chicks doing an a cappella mix of great (girly) 90's songs. I thought the beat boxing was fake at first. Work it out, ladies!

After my bitchy post yesterday I figured you all needed proof that I don't hate everything...

Thursday, January 17, 2008

It's fun!

I was just reading an article on MSN where the Today Show asked it's viewers to share their top pets peeves and I realized that it's much more entertaining to hear people get up on their little soap boxes and be pissed off than to read about love and puppies and candy canes and rainbows.

I was actually starting to think that this blog is too negative, a downer even. Fuck that noise. I love bitching about stupid people and the things that annoy me (see: Albino Python). I hope you all feel the same.

Most of the pet peeves were pretty standard (chomping on gum, bad manners, toilet paper rolling up from the bottom, etc.) but there was one that I really enjoyed and needed to share. This comes from Anonymous in Glendale, AZ:
"I can't stand people who whistle — not catcalls by construction workers — I mean zipadee-do-da whistlers. I understand they are happy, but it just makes my ears bleed."

I love you Anonymous. We should be friends. If not friends, maybe we could just be two people who meet up on occasion and exchange philosophies. It's really hard to find people you can relate to and when you come across someone so completely and utterly in sync with your own skewed perception, you need to hang on to that person for dear life. With just one quote (that I *know* was better before being edited by the man) you've managed to win me over. I feel you- I fucking hate whistlers. I fucking hate yellow wearing, happy-go-lucky, life's not so bad, at least we've got our health, look on the bright side mother fuckers.

But I fucking love me some dirty catcalls. Holla.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

I live a sad life

The most joy I've experienced all day was when the stupid Albino Python was on the phone trying to order a God-knows-what from God-knows-where and she kept getting put on hold and/or transferred, thereby getting angrier by the second. She'd mumble under her breath until somebody would pick up and she'd say, "yes? hello," start bitching and then get transferred or put on hold again.

It was a beautifully vicious cycle. And then I realized how much pleasure I was getting from witnessing the mental decline of someone I know has a severe chemical imbalance and that's just not right.

My life is as cheerful as a goddamn Ben Folds Christmas... Anyone know where I can get a quick 'srip for some Prozac?

Friday, January 4, 2008

Happy 2008!

There are so many things I want to say about this new year and I also really want to reflect on last year! Both of those will have to wait. It appears the Albino Python is trying to revamp her image. Yesterday she had a semi-trendy outfit on. Jeans tucked into boots. Please note that they were mom jeans and the boots were orthopedic, but still, she tried. Weird.

Today it was back to the smart business blazer over the pressed and starched white button down. But then, I made a comment about Amy Fisher's sex tape with her husband and this girl starts dropping F bombs on me! I have worked with her for over a year and have never heard that word come out of her mouth, then all of a sudden she's so passionate over Amy Fisher she uses it twice in one sentence? What? Is this her idea of a New Years resolution?

Albi, you're really starting to freak me out. Please stop.