Friday, March 28, 2008

Life updates:

Since I have time and there is virtually no one in my office today, I'd like to update all of you on a few things.

I currently have an alien life form trying to make its way out of my body via my ovaries. I swear to God I wish I could just die. Fuck fucking fuckers I hate cramps...

Wadadli can finally go for walks. He has yet to actually go to the bathroom outside (because that's what the rugs in the house are for, obviously) but at least his bowels have been relatively solid. Oh and last time we were at the vets I had them shave around his little butt-hole. They called it a sani-trim but I like to think of it as a reverse flavor saver. Dingleberry free in '08!

I won a case of wine at a work related luncheon which will only help to further my alcoholism. Hooray!!!

We are moving to a luxurious two bedroom apartment in Williamsburg Brooklyn on Tuesday. That means you should all be at our place at 9:00 a.m. with your helping hats on. I'll thank you with a freezer-burnt turkey or mimosas.

I will be mourning the loss of my proximity to Little Frankie's for the next few months. Feel free to send sympathy pizzas and pellepotini ragus to my new address.

Remember how I was wondering about Halle Berry's baby? A few days later she went into labor. You may think its a coincidence, I think its proof she is an avid Vex reader.

I'm playing on an office softball team. I already regret it and the season hasn't even begun yet.

My newest snack obsession is sea salt and vinegar kettle chips. I want eat them until my tongue is raw and full of sores. Delicious!

1 comment:

hey hey rae rae said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BITCH! Saturday night was totally fun! Was that your puke I almost stepped in outside the bathroom of the bar? I know you usually don't make it to the potty with number 1 and number 2, but I thought you had better control of when it's coming from the other end...
Although I will not be there tomorrow to help you with the big move, I will be thinking of you (and laughing) while you lug your crap to your new digs!