Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Actual Conversation

Ok, I just found this post that I forgot to publish back in October. "Her" is the Albino Python.

Her: eric doesn't want outback today?
me: what?
Her: he doesn't want outback for lunch?
me: I don't know, I didn't ask.
Her: I'm ordering with out you.
me: what? oh.
Her: I'm getting a blt. Where can I get a good blt toasted?
me: what? *slow turn* I don't know, I've never ordered one.
Her: blake and todd is good, they have good bread but they don't toast it.
me: ok.
Her: maybe I'll try burger heaven, but then I have to write out all of these instructions. what if they don't put the mayo on the side?
me: what?
Her: no, I'm going to go to blake and todd and if they mess it up, I'll just call. maybe I'll say extra toasted? but not burnt, I really hope they don't burn it. that's what I'll do.
me: oh. ok, good.

Sometimes I really miss that pigmentally challenged bitch.


kelly said...

Wow, she was freaking obnoxious, huh? I had no idea it was that bad...You are a strong woman for keeping your composure around her. I probably would have destroyed her self esteem within the first week.

Penis said...

I have no comment - and do not feel bad for your experiences. I work with someone that is 100 times worse than this so called albino python. Trust me, you don't want proof.

bella said...

Who are you, mystery penis? I don't believe that there is anyone in the history of the world that could be a worse coworker than Albi! I demand proof if you are going to make such outlandish comments...

kelly said...

Though you are right, penis, there could be worse, the full effect cannot be gotten through the recounting of stories, as one cannot read the terrifying, vapid black hole stare and the robotic perk of gesture, nor the unnerving lack of melanin....wait, is she still reading this blog? I mean she's got that fast internet now, right? Is she going to find me and kill me? Sorry, alby, I...you....um...you are just kinda weird, that's all...I mean we all are, in our own way, right?...I'm sure you're a lovely person...Shit. Oh, well. I was already going to hell, so I may as well keep on keeping on...

kelly said...

Wait, it's Bella's going to hell for this-she's the one who hates albi, I'm just frightened of her...And that should have read "unnerving lack of melanin and her own identity". Sorry.

Penis said...

I've been called out - if further proof is needed after my depiction I will send you actual conversation transcripts. Until then....Meeting Observations.

You see I sit across from a young man (who I regrettably helped get the job). It only took a few short days to realize he had some of the most disgusting habits I have ever witnessed. Here is the sequence.

1. Uses his index finger to clean his ear (not discretely).

2.Smells the ear wax

3. Depending on the size of the wax deposit, picks the ear wax back out from under his fingernail, smells again...

4. Wipe ear wax on shirt.

5. Pinch recurring neck zit.

6. Smell the puss.

7. Pick puss from under fingernail.

8. Smell puss again and deposit puss on top of freshly placed ear wax.

9. Repeat 4 through 8 or 1 through 8......

kelly said...

Holy hell.

bella said...

Wow, I fold.

that Young Man said...

Yea, well, when I get home I take off that shirt and inhale deeply from the very section on which I wiped my puss and wax. I repeat this action, frequently. Be glad you don't see that.

I just love the scent of my own bodily secretions--Sue me.

Penis said...

Why would you assume I didn't see it? I am everywhere.