OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!

Wadads is officially an LOL dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


see more puppies

ugh.

Ben was gone this weekend so Wadadli and I had some serious bonding time. It was pretty great for the most part, we just hung out and ate delivery in our sweatpants. The only bad thing was at night when he heard a door open or someone walking up the steps he'd freak out and start barking. I think he thought it was going to be his daddy coming home, but it never was :*(

Anyways, last night he was pretty good. I woke up at about midnight to his cute little body curled up in my face and a really weird smell. He had been having *extremely* bad gas all weekend so I laughed and sarcastically asked him if he shit the bed. As I rolled over the smell got worse and the laughter stopped. I jumped up and turned on the lights to see him trying to bite off a pinkie finger-sized dingleberry that had partially smeared on the duvet. I grabbed him and a wad of kleenex and pulled the turd from his little rear. He ran off in shame as I gaged and cleaned off the bedding.

Of course I had to call Ben and let him know what just happened. I was looking for Wadadli so could he get scolded by his daddy on speakerphone and when I eventually found him, he was devouring a turd the size of a bratwurst. What. The. Fuck??!?!? Who eats poop???

Being a single parent sucks and why does my dog always have fecal issues?

I would *love* to help you manage your millions.

Dear Friend,
I know this letter will definitely come as a surprise to
you but I hope as you read on, you will come to understand.
I have decided- after about four and a half month of
thinking about the whole issue- to seek your help in carrying out my last wishes. I don?t really know you but I have prayed, thought about it and moreover I have no choice now and for another reason I
prefer not to disclose. My names are Mrs. Evelyn Sanchez. I
am 67 years old and was born and grew up in Malaga, Spain. I
and my late husband had two children but as God would have
it.
They died in an auto accident six years ago. Before this
happened, my business and concern for making money was all
I lived for. I never really cared about other values in
life. But since the loss of my family, I have found a new
desire to assist helpless families. I have been helping
orphans in orphanages/motherless babies? homes, especially
in Africa. I have also donated some funds for humanitarian
aid and rehabilitation of prostitutes in Rio de janiero,
Brazil, when I was healthier.
I know by now you might be wondering why this entire long
letter.Presently, I am hospitalized having been diagnosed
with terminal cancer of the lungs with but a few months to
live. I can no longer talk and I am just able to use the
laptop. I am not afraid of death any longer though.
Like I told you earlier, my husbands business and mine
really thrived when I was healthy and He alive. We really worked hard for the sake of our children. As my health deterioted, my
extended family members swooped down on everything my
husband and I worked hard to earn. Seeing that there are no
offspring(s) to inherit it coupled with the fact that I am
dying. They never really liked me anyway but my husband
stood by me all those years.
This is my plea; I made most of my money through exporting
vintage wines to African countries like South Africa, Benin
Republic and Nigeria. One of the companies that owed me at
Cross River State, Nigeria sent me an email 5 months ago.
They have paid my fund totaling six Million Three Hundred
and Twenty Thousand USA dollars into my account over there.
I don?t have need for this fund anymore. I made money out
of Africa and now that I am dying, I want to give back to
them. If you agree to help me as I pray you will. I will
get you in contact with my Account Manager over there.(Mr.
Maurice Phido).I will also furnish you with all the
necessary documents that will help you receive the fund
soonest.
All I need from you is to assure me as follows:
1. That you will get in contact with my Account Manager as
soon as we agree.
2. That as soon as I am able to furnish you with all
necessary details and documents involved, you will do all within your means to get the fund even in the event of my demise.
3. That you will help me to distribute 50% of this fund to
Orphanages/motherless babies homes and viable
Non-Governmental Organizations engaged in the eradication of poverty among African children and 25% in the same kind of organizations
in other parts of the globe.
4. Use 5% of the fund to reimburse yourself of any
exigencies you might incur in the process of receiving and distributing the fund.
5. The balance of 20% is for you.
I am really sorry for any in convenience this letter might
have caused you.I pray my terms are okay by you? If so, get back to me
so I can direct you to my Account Manager for all further
correspondence.
God Bless You,
Evelyn Sanchez.

This sounds pretty solid. Let me go ahead and get my bank account number to Mrs. Evelyn Sanchez so she can wire me the remainder of her funds. If anyone else wants to join in, just email dirty Ms. Sanchez at evelynsanchez111@hotmail.com or evelynsanchezbyme@gmail.com. I'd be happy to share my 20% of 6.4 million... Come on kids, what do you have to lose?

bastard from a basket.

Who knew Daniel Plainview



would change his name and evolve into this hit-machine:




So, ladies and gentlemen... if he says he's the Scatman you will agree.

I fucking hate people

I hate people because:

- they never walk fast enough
- they cut you off
- they stand *way* to close to you and smell like an 8th grader (see: sweat and too much Brute)
- they wear stupid fucking white sketcher tennis shoes with their douchey office skirt (two words ladies: ballet flats, get familiar for Christs sake)


Clearly this list will be continued...