Close one

Thank you Virtual Apple/Oregon Trail online! As I was in the middle of my last post, a coworker- lets call him "boss of no one" (because he fancys himself so fucking important, yet is rather irreleveant) came up and started scanning my screen while pretending to ask me a question.

Now, since its 1000% unacceptable for anyone from my office to be reading this, let alone for me to be blogging on the clock, I had to think quick. So I excitedly asked, "OMG! Have you seen this?!?!" while fumbling to close my blog window and open up a new one. Good thing I had just linked to that game. I pulled it up and distracted BONO until somehow I got him to go back to his desk to play it.

He's like a stupid dog that you can jingle keys in front of its face, fake throw something, and then watch as he goes running after it. What a douche.

Sometimes...

- I drink 4 small bottles of water but feel more thirsty than I do after drinking 1 big bottle.

- you have to get over your fear of being known as a triple flusher to the girl who sits right outside the bathroom.

- stress is managable, because you can control how much you really give a shit.

- you find out that your 7th grade boyfriends baby sister is 18 and feel so shocked that you're convinced his parents adopted another one in between.

- it's ok if your lover calls you a wino.

- you need to take a mental health day at work and just catch up on your local news/myspace/email/youtube/play a little Classic Oregon Trail.

- celebrity gossip bores me to death.

- I hate people.

- you need to stop blogging so you can get home to poop, without careing about the number of flushes.

Baby, pour me a glass of Pinot and warm up that toilet seat. I'm on my way...

Metrolyrics.com gives me a girl boner

My number one resolution of 2008 is to learn every fucking lyric of this song and to be able to deliver it like my man, Tupey.

Rest in peace homie.

But more likely, enjoy sipping Pina Coladas on a beach while being swarmed by thong-clad island girls wherever you're hiding out... Much love.

Hooray!!!!

Guess what I'm typing on? If you said, "the laptop that you brought to Circuit City to be fixed over two months ago that you were told was in china but were certain was being picked apart and sold to make GHB laced toys" then you are absolutely correct! This is better than the time I saw that homeless guys poopy butt on 55th Street!

Oh.

Side bar- when I was looking for the video below, the two most prominent "Ads by Google" were:

How I lost 55 lbs!!!
and
Are you gay? Do you like gay music? Take the gay quiz!!!

Really? So you're telling me the only people who listen to Boyz II Men are overweight homos? Not likely Google+Youtube, not likely*...

*But, if that is the case- GUILTY AS CHARGED, GIRL!!! Haaaaaay!

The End of an Era

At this point, I find its easier to express myself through music. See below and feel my most sincere pain:



I don't know how to break this to you guys without just saying it. The Albino Python is gone. Fired. Her employment has been terminated, effective 1/23/08. Oh God- I've said it but I'm still in shock. How *do* I say goodbye to what we had?

Albi, if you're out there, somewhere, in this big crazy universe, just know this: I'll take with me the memories, to be my sunshine after the rain...

I wonder if they have internet access in heaven?

Mama like!

I was youtubing some random music and came across this totally sweet vid. Just a couple of chicks doing an a cappella mix of great (girly) 90's songs. I thought the beat boxing was fake at first. Work it out, ladies!



After my bitchy post yesterday I figured you all needed proof that I don't hate everything...